Friday, July 31, 2009

Drachenfutter


A discussion of spinning ideas at any drinking establishment will, at some point, veer off into "The Economic State", specifically, "My Economic State". An important sub-category of said state is the can't-go-wrong scheme of "My Business Model". The crowd is usually deep into their respective cups at this juncture. Most of your drinking buds are leering between drunk and drowsy with quizzical looks on their faces wondering how you're still extemporaneously conversing in a semi-intelligent matter.

As a well-read Wodehouse fan, you are familiar with the Ways of Mulliner, so flights of verbal fancy are not new to you as you start winging your economic treatise on running your own shop. Like most kids, the thrill of being in a favorite store (pick your poison here, candy & comics emporium, 7-11’s, Dollar Variety stores, etc.) left you thinking, "Hey! I could do better than this when I grow up! I can be an adult AND enjoy my inner kid at my store all day!"

Fortunately, most of us realize late in our teens that running a store specifically designed to sell items to yourself will have a very limited customer base. Some guys only realize this after cleaning out their hard-earned meager savings on such entrepreneurial endeavors as "Used Tonkas 'R Us" or "Chew 'N Chat: THE Bubblegum Shoppe".

With a college degree folded and tucked into your back pocket and mental scabs acquired, picked at, and healed from life as you know it, some basic conclusions can be Sharpied for sake of permanency.

1)Men and women live in the same State, but on different sides of a river in said State.
2)While men like to cross the river for exploratory purposes, permanent occupation is a fleeting thought.
3)Crossing the river can be a perilous journey cursed with a plethora of words, the latter usually put together into complicated sentence structures discernible only by the female residents of the other side of the river.
4)When crossing the river in one’s bateau it’s always a good idea to be bearing a cadeau.
5)No matter what condition the rest of the world is in economically, principles #1 through #4 are always true.


Making these tested truths the cornerstone (some would say "Mission Statement"; others would say, "I will put a hurt on you if you use that "Mission Statement" crap again!") of your Shop Model, you conclude that YOUR shop model could do well selling to the potential customer base of 50% of the human population. Never underestimate the stupidity of people, but always overestimate the stupidity of a guy. The latter, and I throw myself into that distinguished pile, are incapable of learning/remembering from their encounters with the people living on the other side of the river. As your business target, the Guy is a perfect fit for your product.

The product? One word will cover it.
Drachenfutter.
A wonderful word to describe both your product and one to use as your store’s name. The beauty of your concept is that the store will be self-perpetuating as long as all of the staff is male. The product you will be offering, whether it takes the form of flowers, candies, watches, jewelry, cars, books, stuffed creatures of non-zoological connections, must be chosen and recommended by men. This will guarantee a same-sex "sigh and understanding" moment while simultaneously nixing the success of said gift when presented, thus forcing a return trip some time later for another drachenfutter. Having an employee of the female persuasion may lead to a successful gift sale, true. But, you are looking for repeat business and, in the case of male/female relations, nothing brings drachenfutter success like failure.

You must think big. Drachenfutter knows no national borders. You can be the capo de capos of Gift Giving Futility and earning a nice amount of change. Guys are internationally crossing that river at their own peril even as I type. They should all be armed with gifts to lay before the dame. You, sir, are asked to provide the temporary salve

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Comments:
Well? What have you done this time? LOL
 
Alcessa, It's the accumulative effect of the "What have I done"'s. It's what keeps a man on his toes and a woman in his heart.
The Eternal Confusion.
 
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