Monday, October 29, 2007

Evil Empire Moves North

As global warming or worldwide warmth or whatever the heck the au courant expression is for the condition that has me sweating in late October is upon us, forcing us northward in search of temperate climate, so has the Evil Empire picked up its stakes from the land of Trump, Steinbrenner, and Giuliani and headed up in the general direction of Canada. Boston is looking at itself in the mirror and is answering the question, "Who is the enemy now?".

MVP of the series, Mike Lowell, acknowledged to be a great guy as well as an excellent 3rd baseman, will be counting some heavy change now that the Series is over and he is a free agent. Couple that with Mr. Alex Rodriguez's and his agent's, Scott Boras (who is never a bore but is most certainly an as_), announcement that they will be shopping elsewhere than the Bronx for the platinum coinage needed for Mr. October Fade's services and you have to laugh at some Bean Town fan's prediction of a Red Sox Dynasty.

Come on! Hubris is being doled out in Boston along with cases of Samuel Adams. You just know that the Red Sox management trust will bite on Boras' bait. The Sox almost had Rodriguez before; hubris will drive them toward mussing the Yankees hair and getting him this time around. There are very few professional teams in the world that can afford the regular season services of the walk-on-pre-playoff-waters of Mr. Rodriguez. As far as I know, one of the only other teams than the Red Sox, Manchester United, doesn't believe his striker skills are adequate and his big-game cojones are oout on loan. So the Sox will sign Alex, ignore the Good Guy Lowell, the better choice, and head immediately back to where their existence is more appreciated as the Tortured Soul of Baseball, namely the Cubbies Division. Sorry, Tim!

Then, in a "Planets and Stars Alignment" 2008 season (something the Rockies had for 170 games this year), the Phillies acquire Mr. Lowell and perhaps his ex-Marlin teammate Mr. Dontrelle Willis, who is so happy to be re-united with Mr. Lowell that he proceeds to go out and have a 21 game winning season. Oh, and Joe Torre, in mid-2008 season, drives down the NJ Turnpike to the City of Brotherly Love where he begins part of his Year of Charity program by taking over from Charley "Mumbles" Manuel and managing the Phighting Phils to the World Series against the Indians of Cleveland.

The Sox and their fans will be back in their 12 Stages of Misery with their new 3rd baseman, Alex "Cloak of Playoff Invisibility" Rodriguez, while the Yankees struggle with the Sons of Steinbrenner and the unlucky manager succeeding Mr. Torre. Yes, all will be right with the universe come the 2008 season; the Sox will be in their most comfortable melieu, the Misery Métier.

Cheesesteak, anyone?


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