Friday, May 27, 2005
Bed of Nails
That God of Unforgiveness, Time, bulldozes on, laughing at any of my attempts at multi-reading. Sleep, the Goddess of Forgetfulness, has joined herself with Time. I have to break up this alliance, if I want to rid myself of any of my Albatrosses of the bibliophilic variety.
The only solution that I've come up with is to minimize the zzzz's. My bed is comfort. I lay on it. A book is cracked open. I'm doing the dozy-doze in 3-5 minutes, the book slipping off to the left and clattering onto the floor. Just before I slip off, I swear I hear it moaning for attention.
Solution?
Change the comfort level of the bed. Forget those Select Comfort Beds. Don't think Excruciating Pain is one of their selection possibilities.
What I'm looking for is a Bed Of Nails.
IKEA offered no solutions. No beds called SKREEM or PUNKTUURE.
This will have to be a DIY project. It's Memorial Day weekend. 3 days of potential reading. Minimal Sleep.
Maybe I should try a Bed of Screws?
Sheet of plywood.
Large box of 3 inch wallboard screws. 250 should be enough.
One hour tops for completion. Powerdrilling also minimizes the attendant cursing that would accompany hammering 250 nails.
Got to get to it! Mr. Whisky Prajer is adding must-reads at a dizzying speed.
That God of Unforgiveness, Time, bulldozes on, laughing at any of my attempts at multi-reading. Sleep, the Goddess of Forgetfulness, has joined herself with Time. I have to break up this alliance, if I want to rid myself of any of my Albatrosses of the bibliophilic variety. The only solution that I've come up with is to minimize the zzzz's. My bed is comfort. I lay on it. A book is cracked open. I'm doing the dozy-doze in 3-5 minutes, the book slipping off to the left and clattering onto the floor. Just before I slip off, I swear I hear it moaning for attention.
Solution?
Change the comfort level of the bed. Forget those Select Comfort Beds. Don't think Excruciating Pain is one of their selection possibilities.
What I'm looking for is a Bed Of Nails.
IKEA offered no solutions. No beds called SKREEM or PUNKTUURE.
This will have to be a DIY project. It's Memorial Day weekend. 3 days of potential reading. Minimal Sleep.
Maybe I should try a Bed of Screws?
Sheet of plywood.
Large box of 3 inch wallboard screws. 250 should be enough.
One hour tops for completion. Powerdrilling also minimizes the attendant cursing that would accompany hammering 250 nails.
Got to get to it! Mr. Whisky Prajer is adding must-reads at a dizzying speed.
Comments:
<< Home Verging on Pertinence Just some more disposable thoughts clogging up the hinterlands
How interesting that the "Bed of Nails" link you offer serves us a modern-day version of the "Crush By Stones" martyrdom patented by Henry VIII back in the day. Of course, back then people were wimps, and often died, whereas your modern-day supplicant in search of new liesure activities is far tougher.
They not only survive, they blog it!
You don't need a bed: if you'll forgive me, you need a lavatory, preferably with a wooden seat? Little chance of falling asleep there, and I find it particularly conducive to late-night reading.
They not only survive, they blog it!
You don't need a bed: if you'll forgive me, you need a lavatory, preferably with a wooden seat? Little chance of falling asleep there, and I find it particularly conducive to late-night reading.
FCB & WP: Welcome recommendations indeed. Unfortunately we live in, what is termed by R/E agents as "quaint", an old house with one bathroom. That's:
1 Old House
2 Teenaged kids
2 Old(er) parents
1 Bathroom
Staying in the bathroom longer than deemed necessary, from the human plumbing perspective, results in an experience straight from any of your modern alone-in-the-house-with-a-psychotic movies.
The door handle shakes incredibly. Long painful moans are heard outside the door. Scratching on the door is accompanied by house-shaking as the intruders are taking turns jumping up and down.
You see? This is not conducive to reading. And then there's the toilet bowl, a potential quick exit for a book that really takes off after 50 pages but is a tough slog through the first 49.
No, the lavatory is out of the question, regardless of the pleasure of sitting on a splintery wooden seat and listening to one's bowels symphony.
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1 Old House
2 Teenaged kids
2 Old(er) parents
1 Bathroom
Staying in the bathroom longer than deemed necessary, from the human plumbing perspective, results in an experience straight from any of your modern alone-in-the-house-with-a-psychotic movies.
The door handle shakes incredibly. Long painful moans are heard outside the door. Scratching on the door is accompanied by house-shaking as the intruders are taking turns jumping up and down.
You see? This is not conducive to reading. And then there's the toilet bowl, a potential quick exit for a book that really takes off after 50 pages but is a tough slog through the first 49.
No, the lavatory is out of the question, regardless of the pleasure of sitting on a splintery wooden seat and listening to one's bowels symphony.
<< Home Verging on Pertinence Just some more disposable thoughts clogging up the hinterlands
