Tuesday, October 05, 2004

A Delaware Bonus

Living in Delaware has its...spiritual upside. Well, at least according to World of Crap and its Official Religion Listing per State references. The "scientific method" used involved the following subjective reasoning....

Then I took the most populous state: California, and matched it with the religion that the most people said they belonged to: Christianity. And so on, through the various states and religions. Except that about 3/4 of the way through, I realized I was going to run out of religions, and so I assigned a few states another demographics grouping that were equal in numbers to the religion that would have come next on the list (I didn't want to have any states with no one living in them; and besides, I figured that maybe the gays and lesbians, etc. would like their own state). And when I got to the least populous states, I just got creative and assigned them a fun demographic group to try out, or a major world religion that I thought might be nice to have represented in America. Oh, and I assigned the same religion twice near the middle of the list, and didn't notice this until I was done, so I gave that state their choice of a couple of interesting faiths. Let me know if you think this is going to be a problem.

So, after what must have been an intense 20-30 minutes of calculation, the listing looked like this:

Official State Religions

1. California: Christian
2. Texas: Protestant
3. New York: "Born again" or "evangelical"
4, Florida: Catholic
5. Illinois: Baptist
6. Pennsylvania: Non-religious
7. Ohio: Evangelical (theologically)
8. Michigan: Methodist
9. New Jersey: Southern Baptist
10.Georgia: Lutheran

11. North Carolina: United Methodist Church
12. Virginia: Presbyterian
13. Massachusetts: Pentecostal
14. Indiana: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons)
15. Washington: Evangelical Lutheran Church in America
16. Tennessee: gay/lesbian
17. Missouri: Episcopalian
18. Wisconsin: Judaism
19. Maryland: Eastern Orthodox
20. Arizona Satanism (or Juche--they can have their pick)

21. Minnesota: Buddhist
22. Louisiana: Non-denominational
23. Alabama: French speakers
24. Colorado: Megachurch attendance
25. Kentucky: Jehovah's Witnesses
26. South Carolina United Church of Christ
27. Oklahoma: Mennonite Church USA
28 Oregon: agnostic
29. Connecticut Churches of Christ
30. Iowa: Hindu

31. Mississippi: atheists
32. Kansas: Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)
33. Arkansas: Unitarian Universalist
34. Utah: Seventh-day Adventists
35. Nevada: Neo-pagan (incl. Wiccans)
36. New Mexico Church of the Nazarene
37. West Virginia Reformed Church in America (RCA)
38. Nebraska: Libertarian party members
39. Idaho: Baha'i
40. Maine: Native American Religionist

41. New Hampshire: Sikhism
42. Hawaii: Deism
43. Rhode Island: Weight Watchers
44. Montana: Dittoheads
45. Delaware: Jedi
46. South Dakota: Zoroastrianism
47. North Dakota: Zombies
48. Alaska: Ingayats
49. Vermont: Ba'al
50. District of Columbia: primal-indigenous
51. Wyoming: Rastafarianism

Who would have thunk it?!? Delaware, Home of Tax-Free Shopping and continual I-95 gridlock, is practicing the Jedi Way. And Wyoming, Home Of Dick Cheney? Well, seems ol' Dick's been hiding his dreadlocks under a Halloween bald cap. Perhaps tonight, in his conversation with Mr. Edwards, Mr. C will be letting all of his hair down.

This, also from World of Crap

First, let's review what Karen Hughes told the Wash Post:

Bush confidante Karen Hughes explained the president’s petulance this way, while acknowledging the presence of such petulance, “On his face, you could see his irritation at the senator’s misrepresentations,” Hughes told the Washington Post. “He was answering the senator with his face.”

A confidential source told us that Karen said that during tonight's debate, Dick Cheney will be answering John Edwards with his butt.

And here's some advice for Cheney from Tom Rath:

Tom Rath, a former New Hampshire Republican state chairman, said he thinks the vice president will display his "gravitas," his foreign policy expertise and political skills during the debate. At the same time, Rath said, Cheney will need to come across as "a real live individual who cares, not some sort of dark presence."

Yes, I thought it really helped Dick's image when he played Twister with Bill and Ted -- you know, it showed him as a FUN dark specter.

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