Thursday, May 27, 2004

Yogi or Boo Boo?
In a bold move that takes advantage of the USA's world domination in the Marketing field and the President's proclivity for attaching nicknames to people and places he has a hard time remembering, the Bush Administration has announced that the Abu Ghraib prison will be re-named Boo Boo Bear. The Hanna-Barbera company, which owns the rights to Mr. B. B. Bear, applauds this decision and has offered access to other names in their cartoon stable. Mr. Donald Rumsfield has already mentioned he's partial to Quick Draw McGraw, but he has some issues with the size of his snout (too big) and the size of his gun (too small).
In an impromptu news conference at the steps of the building housing the Cartoon Network, a White House spokesman announced that, "..and we are pulling out all stops in the arsenal available to us in the ongoing fight to combat those who need to be combatted. We feel that cartoons are more accessible to the general population in trying to get their support and understanding behind our current cause. The president was actively involved in this decision; it was his suggestion, in fact, that Boo Boo Bear be picked as the new name for the prison that has so many bad memories. The re-naming of Abu Ghraib prison is the first step in our newly revised policy to win the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people. Each current resident of Boo Boo Bear and any future visitors will be given a 5 inch replica of Boo Boo as a reminder of our mission. In keeping with the spirit of the character, a bowtie will also be handed out. We feel strongly that the wearing of the bowtie will minimize the embarassment of the lack of clothes we are requiring as a rule of staying at Boo Boo Bear.
One final point to pre-answer your questions. No, this re-naming process, codenamed Not Just Another Boo Boo, was NOT necessitated due to President Bush's 3 for 3 mis-pronounciation performance of Abu Ghraib during his most recent speech. The current action sequence program we are pursuing in Iraq is a complicated affair. The current action sequence program we are pursuing in Iraq is a complicated affair. Using humorous animation, we feel that a better understandment of the situation can be conveyed to him...I mean, to the American people. This is an on-and-on ongoing process. We are carefully considering Mr. Groening's kind offer of using some of his characters in our effort to educatize the masses, because we don't want no one to be left behind."

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