Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Aid to the almost clueless (or maybe just those of us whose ears seemed to have closed off like Venus flytraps around a fly):
Growing up, it becomes apparent at 12-14 years of age that your parents and you are experiencing Acoustic Differential Debacles (ADD). Though your hearing was sharper and clearer, you found it necessary to turn up the volume to "11", whereas your parents, those loveable doddering old souls, seemed to be able to hear ants in the next room communicating with each other. Now, even though they heard the insects discussing their next raid on the cupboard, they coould not make heads or tails of the lyrics of the LOUD music you were playing. In my case ADD first struck back in the late '60's. Much of our supper discussions (for those younger readers, "supper" was a nightly social event attended by all family members where bread was broken, along with one's will to have meaningful discussions with the aforementioned family members) centered around the lyrics of Creedence Clearwater Revival (CCR). My ancestors could not understand why CCR sang about "bathroom's on the right". Was this in reference to an all-night jag at the local imbibery? I would (try to) correct them, stating that it was actually "Bad Moon on the Rise". This discussion then Groundhog Dayed the following night. Was this a lack of understanding, just the aging process, or a carefully concocted evil plan to control my budding mind?
Well, now that I'm on the other side of that time mirror, I can vouchsafe that it's just the aging process. So, to assist you with keeping up with the kiddies, I offer Rap Dictionary I and Rap Dictionary II. When your loin issues start with their Wheels of Steel, just click on either. Grasping their patois will seem almost effortless. The decoding of their secret messages will drop the scales from their eyes. Yes, you will be communicating with your loved ones. SO...Yo, I be geesing. (I believe that's their correct socially acceptable bidding of adieu, these days..)

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